On this website I will never:
*speak of the enchanting constant joy and transformative wonderment of motherhood
*dispense little nuggets about what my child has taught me
*tell any mom to stop and smell the diapers "because it all goes by in the blink of an eye"
*make jokes about bowel movements and baby body fluids (because it's not my thing and it can be found abundantly elsewhere)
*use the word "miracle"
*count my blessings
*chart my child's developmental milestones
*seem to be in a good or grateful mood
*be mean about my friends or family because they'll get me back