bitter? yes!...hopeless? never!
10:01 AM
So this to me is such an ironic saying. I have been telling Steve for the past year or so that I am more than happy to bloom...just PLANT ME somewhere! Steve and I have been married for 6 years and during this time I have lived in 4 wards. My whole life I have always surrounded myself with friends and people I enjoy hanging out with. But in the last 6 years I have had to watch whole groups of friends move away and start all over again. And quite frankly I've been hesitant to invest in any of these friendships because it is just too hard to watch them go.
I understand that I should just suck it up and accept that, that is what life is all about, but I emotionally can't these days. It took me 6 months to be able to get over the last group that left. I would drive to the grocery store and come home feeling so lonely and crying because on the way to the store I passed all of their houses. I want roots, I want to go somewhere where people aren't getting to know "who I am". I know who I am and and it really bites to have all these people who knew you leave and you're left to help the new "group" understand who you are. Bitter? Yes. :) Hopeless? Never!
(As far as I can tell no one really reads my blog so I will go on venting, it feels good... and because my parents can't stay in one place I don't even have a home ward or neighborhood to go to. I am soooooooo sick of having to introduce myself to people all the time. It would just be nice to go to a place, ANYWHERE where people aren't strangers. Sizing you up, trying to figure out who you are. Having expectations or criticisms...I just want to be HOME. Where in the crap is that? Nowhere yet.)
Few! That felt GOOD...now I will go on writing about happy things. ;)
3 comments
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ReplyDeleteBrookie, I read your blog and I understand completely. We have moved so much and it is hard to have to keep opening up to people and getting to know people. And also you can't become kindred spirits with just anyone. They are hard to find. However, you need to remember that no matter what you I am always here, just a phone call away. That may sound crappy but no matter where we are we have eachother. Nobody understands me better than my sister.....nobody. Love you sister and to all those who read this know that my sister is the coolest most talented fun person I know and if you have Brookie in you corner you are set for life, so get to know her!
ReplyDeleteAw...thanks Rozzie. Why can't we live closer together? This is one of our trials for sure! Luv you sis!
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